Too Many Soakers - ^

[isoaker]

I want to expand this all-too-short listing. Additional entries most welcome!

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You know you have a lot of soakers when:
- Your local fire department calls on your help for back-up;
- Your nickname is "tsunami";
- You've run out of numbers naming them all;
- You've turned your local desert climate into a tropical rainforest;
- You cause regional water shortages each time you fill them;
- Your collection experiences tidal forces;
- They begin to multiply on their own;
- NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) has been tracking your movements has a category 1-5 hurricane depending on how many you're carrying at a time;
- You laugh at how little water Olympic-size pools hold;
- You sleep with a soaker next to you 'cos the rest of your room is already packed to the brim;
- You supply all the toy stores with surplus stock from your duplicates;
- Your collection can be seen from space;
- Navy Seals use your filling station for their deep-water exercises;
- Your neighbors all have lifeboats just in case you hold a water fight;
- Your collection database makes Google's database look like a grocery listing;
- The weatherman checks your fight schedule as the best forecast of whether it will "rain" locally;
- You can out-soak a thunderstorm;
- You can't remember the last time you were ever dry;
- ...since when can you have too many soakers???

[WaterWolf]

LOL. :laugh:
Those are some great new ones.

My favorite is the one about "Your neighbors all have lifeboats just in case you hold a water fight".

Great stuff Isoak. :;):

[Dacca]

when its time to fight, your handing out of soakers resembles that of a black market arms dealer. "you want soaker? I have soaker for you"

[DX]

- The weatherman checks your fight schedule as the best forecast of whether it will "rain" locally;

Wouldn't work for me! If it ain't thundering, it's still on! :p

[Adrian]

-You're listed as a reserve unit for the fire department
-It's a matter of pride that you no longer would need to call the fire department in case of house fire
-You've given up on those "sissy fire extinguishers"
-You have every soaker statistic memorized
-You look at a digital clock and try and your first thought is "Which soaker designation is that?"
-Emptying your collection for winter storage causes flooding
-The CPS2000 that "blew that kid's eye out" is in a glass case in your collection
-The amount you spend on soakers annually is higher than most country's GNP
-That includes the United States
-Most of your waterfights never happen, because you're too busy analyzing which gun to use
-Your soaker cabinet has its own zip code
-Your soaker collection generates measurable gravitational forces
-You sleep with a soaker under your pillow
-You sleep with a pillow under your soaker (Author's note:That just sounds dirty)

Adrian

[Adrian]

-You laugh at Bond villains who talk about controlling the weather
-Both North Korea and Iran have contacted you about the possibility of "causing inclement weather in the continental United States"
-You had to explain to a weirded out insurance agent why you wanted to insure your super soaker collection
-That very weirded out agent told you they don't have enough money to insure your super soaker collection
-So you went out and bought duplicates of your collection and buried them in your yard, in case of disaster
-The Army has viewed your water fights as a training exercise
-The Army has participated in your water fights as a training exercise
-You had more soakers than the Army did people
-You beat the Army in a water fight
-You teach a class on unconventional weaponry at Quantico
-You laugh because Quantico reminds you, strangely, of the word Aquatica
-Moving van companies refuse to ship your collection when you move, it pops the trucks tires
-You had to contract a C130 cargo plane to transport your collection when you moved

Adrian

[isoaker]

*LOL*
@Adrian: those are great! You seem to have been in an inspired mood!

[Adrian]

-After building your first homemade, you decide to break it down and apply for a Class 3 license from the ATF
-The ATF took 12 months to process your application, because they spent the first 6 laughing
-Your homemades are now classified as destructive devices
-Your homemades have been to Knob Creek
-You have to take your C3 paperwork when you go shopping, because entering a hardware store is now classified as a crime of "constructive possession"
-Home Depot opened the store an hour early and sent a limo for you on Black Friday
-Because of a mishap with one of your homemades, several small African tribes now pray to you as the rain god
-The police department calls upon you to quell riots

More to follow. I think.

Adrian

[isoaker]

- There are no longer any fires or any sort within a 10 mile radius of your collection; there are also no dry spots within the same radius
- Newlyweds now book hotel rooms to watch the firing of your entire collection as it overshadows Niagara Falls
- You have considered surgically attaching a soaker to your arm
- You have run out of space for any more surgically attached soakers on your arm!
- You gave your fiancee a soaker and a towel when your proposed
- Your wedding party all wore raincoats for the ceremony

[Adrian]

~You have a contract with several area boat-builders to do weather testing on their vessels
~You scoff at people who think removing paint from concrete is difficult
~You've honestly considered the question "Which soaker for bear?"
~You've honestly considered the question "Which soaker for zombies?"
~You've honestly considered the question "Which soakers would you want in a SHTF situation?"
~You'd play the "if you could only have two soakers..." game, but you start twitching too bad and drooling when you start thinking about only having two soakers
~Same with "if you could only have two hundred soakers..."
~The plastic that makes up your collection is responsible for drying up six Kuwaiti oil wells
~Your purchases keep at least nine Saudi oil families in power
~You've thought about starting a "soaker lobby" in Washington, but are afraid of wielding too much influence
~When you go shopping at Walmart, you don't even look at the carts - you go straight to "Gardening" and request a pallet
~You get a "Soakers are life, the rest is just details" t-shirt
~When asked, you answer that you actually believe that
~You've ever written stories about soakers or water fights
~You get torqued off when some guy online starts one of these "You know you have too many soakers when..." threads. Doesn't everyone know you can't have too many soakers?

Adrian

[SilentGuy]

Great job! I could never do one of these, and good to know you're still keeping 'em coming!

Especially nice how some of the one-liners build off of the previous one(s).

[isoaker]

I plan to add the majority of these new ones onto the current existing page on iSoaker.com with proper acknowledgements where they're due. The updated page will go online together with other updates in the New Year.

[WaterWolf]

Hee Hee Hee. You've got some great ones there Adrian.

[SilentGuy]

I've seen similar threads for other hobbies at other sites. But stealing from them would be too unoriginal...and Adrian's wise statements are far superior. I laugh (with scorn) whenever I see those.

You know you have too many soakers when...
~You created the drought that you kindly ended.
~You're not allowed at any pools.
~...except for the purpose of refilling the pool.
~The tides in your backpack throw you off balance.

Hmm...not that hard once you're looking for examples. Although my examples are horrible.

[Adrian]

Glad y'all like 'em. I think I'm done now - I figure I've achieved my personal best in the field. Thanks,

Adrian

[HBWW]

-When the neighboorhood smells like latex rubber.
-When everyone in the city smells like latex rubber.
-When your shirt smells like latex rubber, plastic, lubricant from ball valves, PVC, dirt, water, and sweat even after it's washed.
-When you use different things to drill nozzles.
-When the whole plastic industry has been converted towards feeding your armory.
-When all the steel manufactureres have gone to producing ball valves and rods for trigger systems
-When the sea levels rise by 3 inches a month.
-When your weapons can dent squirt guns.
-When you're (and everyone else) frantically trying to get NASA to gather water back from Mars.
-When your basement never stops flooding.

Yeah, mine are pretty lame... Sometimes they seem to get worse as I try harder to think of them.



Edited By C-A_99 on 1166752702