Your Favorite MM story
Yo. I'm gonna say something here, and I'm gonna try and say it delicately, but you're probably not gonna like it anyway.
I really appreciate the time and dedication it takes to write stuff for an internet audience. I've seen people turn it into a quasi-job and actually make money off of it, and I've seen people get relatively ticked when their internet author didn't update on time. You do a favor long enough, it turns into a job. It takes a fair amount of imagination to do stuff like that.
I've followed your short stories (chapters?), and I've got a few suggestions. First off, maybe I'm just dense, but it took me a while to figure out that they were fictional (I hope I didn't just stick my foot in my mouth). You gave no indication that they were, and just sort of dropped the reader into a fanciful alternate-reality type thing.
Which brings me to my second point. It's far, far too fanciful. I think somebody had The BatCave or something like it...I'm sorry, I don't take to that easily. Real people are interesting. Real situations are interesting. If it ain't real, it seems like some kind of fanboy writing that I'd expect to see coming from someone quite young, like they were trying really hard to really impress someone. Having a thousand people, a tanker truck, and a batcave in a waterfight reminds me of something I'd read from a 7yo. On a Pokemon forum. That said, there's the possibility it COULD be done convincingly. I don't know how, but it probably could.
Final point is that besides being confusing and fanciful, they're also quite short. I'm having a problem stringing them together...between the confusion and the flights of fantasy, I don't know what's going on.
Don't take this as senseless blasting on my part, these are merely suggestions from someone who writes fanatically, and wants to make a living out of it. Check out the Articles forum for The_Narrator's work...he's a friend of mine, and I'd like to think I helped with some of the inspiration.
Adrian
EDIT:Also check out XP220Warrior's and Wetmonkey's contributions to said forum. They are water-warfare writers of the highest order.
Edited By Adrian on 1181881780
I really appreciate the time and dedication it takes to write stuff for an internet audience. I've seen people turn it into a quasi-job and actually make money off of it, and I've seen people get relatively ticked when their internet author didn't update on time. You do a favor long enough, it turns into a job. It takes a fair amount of imagination to do stuff like that.
I've followed your short stories (chapters?), and I've got a few suggestions. First off, maybe I'm just dense, but it took me a while to figure out that they were fictional (I hope I didn't just stick my foot in my mouth). You gave no indication that they were, and just sort of dropped the reader into a fanciful alternate-reality type thing.
Which brings me to my second point. It's far, far too fanciful. I think somebody had The BatCave or something like it...I'm sorry, I don't take to that easily. Real people are interesting. Real situations are interesting. If it ain't real, it seems like some kind of fanboy writing that I'd expect to see coming from someone quite young, like they were trying really hard to really impress someone. Having a thousand people, a tanker truck, and a batcave in a waterfight reminds me of something I'd read from a 7yo. On a Pokemon forum. That said, there's the possibility it COULD be done convincingly. I don't know how, but it probably could.
Final point is that besides being confusing and fanciful, they're also quite short. I'm having a problem stringing them together...between the confusion and the flights of fantasy, I don't know what's going on.
Don't take this as senseless blasting on my part, these are merely suggestions from someone who writes fanatically, and wants to make a living out of it. Check out the Articles forum for The_Narrator's work...he's a friend of mine, and I'd like to think I helped with some of the inspiration.
Adrian
EDIT:Also check out XP220Warrior's and Wetmonkey's contributions to said forum. They are water-warfare writers of the highest order.
Edited By Adrian on 1181881780
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