The Battle for Opus Ridge - feedback

[wetmonkey442]

Whatever you guys think, post it here. And yes, this is a new story, and no, I will not promise to finish it

[Adrian]

Too early to tell for sure, but I think it'll be good. You are a most competent author and the description of the battleground park was well written. Keep it up!

Adrian

[wetmonkey442]

Thanks for the feedback. Adrian, you should enjoy this one: It's character driven past anything I've ever done before.
New part will be posted sometime today.

[Adrian]

Bravo on the second part. Very well done.

Come to think of it, that first part reminds me of Dennis Lehane a "neo noir" writer who's work I'm tremendously fond of. Ever read anything by him?

Adrian

[wetmonkey442]

Sorry, never read anything by him. Thanks for the kind words. I know for most readers here, this beginning seems a bit slow, but it will gear up into something humongous. I am trying incorporate a better writing style than the new story, with more epic battle sequences than the Ultimate War Story.cYou will also notice later on, some shared characters :;): , though my character personally won't be in it. I'll try and post a bit more today.

[wetmonkey442]

New part added. After this chapter is finished, another chapter is all that is needed to introduce the fifth and last batch of main characters. After that, the characters will start to meet, and their seperate storylines will begin to intertwine, the plot will thicken, and some fighting will begin!

[wetmonkey442]

Newest section added. This rounds up pretty much all of the main characters for this story.

any feedback woulod be appreciated.

[Adrian]

Not too keen on the tank. Too...out there. I think you've introduced something that'll be either too powerful to use as a good plot device and will get tossed aside, or will be used too much. Just a random thought.

I like seeing some returning characters, though to be honest, that section you just posted didn't do much for me. I've only read it once though, so I'll have to go back, reread, and see if my opinion changes.

Adrian

[Adrian]

Just reread it, and I still like some of the earlier chapters better. It seems, for lack of a better word, slightly random, though that's definitely not the best description. Like it wasn't assembled very...tightly. I know, I'm rambling and mixing metaphors here. I am however looking forward to reading more.

I'm still thinking that park description was just about the best description I've read online in a very long time. Beats the tar out of nearly everything I've written, though that's probably not hard.

Keep up the good work!

Adrian

[wetmonkey442]

I was having my doubts about the other stuff too, though I personally like the first and second chapters. The writing is, admittedly, loose and, as you said, quite random . It'll be something I have to work on, though the looseness of the story was something I was kidn of aiming for. I will most likely re write some parts, and post them up. Thanks for the kind words! More to come soon.