Cohutta Massacre - Post comments here.

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XP20Warrior
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Post by XP20Warrior » Mon Apr 11, 2005 5:32 pm

You can post comments here about the story 'The Cohutta Massacre'"

Thanks,
XP20Warrior
"Although it is a beautiful place among the stars, danger lurks in the shadows. That's what Alliance Command's for."

-Captain Ivan Reilly
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Closing Speeches After the Xidian Wars

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Adrian
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Post by Adrian » Tue Apr 12, 2005 2:32 pm

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Really, I do. But this is not up to the standard of quality set by "Assistance..." While this story may very well chronicle actual events, it (the plot, dialogue, just about everything) seems extremely forced. And that pastor reminds me of Michael Ironside from Top Gun. Sorry.

I do look forward to its continuation however along with the continuation of the superlative "Assistance..."

Keep it up!

Adrian
“To achieve a World Government it is necessary to remove from their minds their individualism, their loyalty to family traditions, national patriotism and religious dogma.”…..Brock Adams, Director, United Nations Health Organisation.

XP20Warrior
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Post by XP20Warrior » Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:35 pm

I know. This was typed completely off my head. Maybe this weekend I'll revise to "Assistance" quality. :soakthemall:
"Although it is a beautiful place among the stars, danger lurks in the shadows. That's what Alliance Command's for."

-Captain Ivan Reilly
IGA Intrepid
Closing Speeches After the Xidian Wars

soakerman
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Post by soakerman » Mon May 02, 2005 10:25 am

Well, I guess that's real after all... Although its choppy and of bad quality, well, its touching, kind of. Three cheers for XP20Warrior!!!
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XP20Warrior
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Post by XP20Warrior » Mon May 02, 2005 10:39 am

Uh, you're welcome. I wrote it with true emotion. When I look back at the Cohutta Massacre now, it makes you want to think. Yeah, we soak people. Yeah, sometimes we do surprise attacks on people. But that? The words that reach my mind first are 'carnage' and 'slaughter'. Seriously! They never stood a chance. If they worked together, maybe, but like I said, it was a massacre.
"Although it is a beautiful place among the stars, danger lurks in the shadows. That's what Alliance Command's for."

-Captain Ivan Reilly
IGA Intrepid
Closing Speeches After the Xidian Wars

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Adrian
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Post by Adrian » Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am

Not going to be quite as detailed this time...there just isn't that much to write about, and I'm assuming it's finished.

Interesting. No one else here has chronicled their first battle or any occasion that got them into soaking, so you get points for that. The writing style still isn't/wasn't up to AIA quality, which is a bit of a downer. Other than that, there really isn't much else to comment on. Yeah, it was a little, uh, mushy, but hey, it was true and human and that's what counts.

Adrian
“To achieve a World Government it is necessary to remove from their minds their individualism, their loyalty to family traditions, national patriotism and religious dogma.”…..Brock Adams, Director, United Nations Health Organisation.

XP20Warrior
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Post by XP20Warrior » Tue May 03, 2005 4:08 pm

I can reformat it back to AIA standard. Like I said before, I need time. Hopefully, not that much time. And I'll post more of the AIA soon, too.
"Although it is a beautiful place among the stars, danger lurks in the shadows. That's what Alliance Command's for."

-Captain Ivan Reilly
IGA Intrepid
Closing Speeches After the Xidian Wars

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