Story - Comments, feedback, criticism?

[Forceuser]

Well, finally finished reading the whole thing. :O All I can say is: wow! Even with it being so long, you still managed to hold my attention throughout. Ever thought of becoming a professional writer? :p Now all you have to do is think of a title...

[isoaker]

Most extremely excellent work, Adrian! Best war story I've read so far. With your permission (and hoping you come up with a title for it), I'd be very happy to push it onto iSoaker.com. Part of me wonders whether you could perhaps provide a rough sketch map of the layout of the locales used in the story. Not necessary when reading it, but it'd be a neat thing to see at the end of reading, not to mention making the reader want to re-read it again, tracing the action on the map as the story goes along.

Excellent work!

[Adrian]

Thanks all! Anybody else want to comment?

Isoaker:On the first page there's the map of the main battleground that I carried for the entire fight. I'm definitely going to update that soon. Any other maps you'd like?

Forceuser:Yeah, I'd like to do some more writing. I've got a rough draft for another "war story" in my head at the moment, as well as an outline for a real, fiction novel about the Fourth American Revolution. I'm gonna wait a while and see what I want to do - I promised a band I know that I'd write an album for them and I need to finish that, as well as do some other song-writing.

Anybody have a favorite character (it's ok, don't hesitate to say someone othter than me :;): )? Favorite scene? Any problems, inconsistancies?

Thanks again,

Adrian

[isoaker]

Oh! Cool.. close-up layouts of the swamp base and treehouse would be neat as well as the parking lot/garage area.

[Adrian]

Maps shall be forthcoming. When I redo the already posted map, I'll "zoom out" to (hopefully) include the swamp and "front yard," and possibly the trail leading to "Bartell's." I'll also do a map of the garage area.

Anybody able to tell which parts are real and which are fiction?

Adrian

Edit:Added a title. Water War 5. Boring and generic I know, but it's what we called it.
Isoaker:You can post this on Isoaker.com, but please list the author as "Jared Grey." Thanks. Maps should be posted by this weekend.



Edited By Adrian on 1105379721

[isoaker]

I'll await the maps you're creating before making Water War 5 go live on iSoaker.com, but will begin the process of editing it and copying the text over into the appropriate format.

Thanks!

[Adrian]

The map is up! The links are on the first post of the thread. Due to size restrictions, I drew it on 7 seperate sheets of paper (6 of which were taped together in case people wonder about the weird looking parts). Scale may be a little off, but it's still the best map of that area that exists at the moment. Blue lines are un-official trails, black lines are official trails, black blobs are hills/holes, green space is forest, yellowish orange space is clearing.

I'd still like some more (preferably with some detail) comments. Anybody want to comment?

Thanks,

Adrian

[isoaker]

Odd.. I swore I wrote and replied already, but I don't see it. At any rate, nice maps!

What I plan to do is stitch the large one together, the provide both a thumbnail and a link to a larger (fullsize if the filesize is reasonable) version of the big map and a copy of the other map roughly where that part of the story occurs.

If you push up any more images, please give me a heads up. Otherwise, I hope to have the story formatted and online later this weekend. I'll PM you with an early link before linking it on the News section.

[Adrian]

Any other comments from anyone else, now that the story's complete and has been on Isoaker.com for a few weeks? Razor, have you read the whole thing?

What would people be more interested in, a semi-fictionalization of a previous fight, a completely fictional present day fight, or a slightly more futuristic (5-7 years off) story?

Adrian

[isoaker]

Me: I like semi-fictional to fictional present-day-realistic (with some embellishment, of course ) type stories, but that's me.

[cooldood31]

That war sounded great. But it's gotta hurt to have your team split like that. I hope you find a way to keep soaking.

[Adrian]

Thanks for all the reviews/comments! Anybody else?

While continuing my other writing, I'm also working on a new "War Story." Fictional, set three years in the future, but still grounded in relatively "today" technology and situations. It revolves around a traditional week long end-of-school fight and the two teams fighting it. I'm trying to branch out in my writing style, and this one's a little different, to the point that it's made me kind of uncomfortable to write at times.

It leans a little bit towards Wetmonkey's Ultimate Story in that the teams are more, um, densely populated. 8-9 v 60 or thereabouts. But don't worry. I've got an extremely plausible explanation for that. The story starts about one month before the fight to build up the characters (one of the things I found I didn't like with WW5 was except for me, no one ever knew the characters). Got some really cool stuff planned, if I decide to add it (there were 2 "deleted scenes" from WW5 that got canned at the end, which no one will probably ever read). Even if I don't add some of the stuff I want to, it'll still be cool. And I'm going to update it more than the last one. Not doing 2-3 huge posts.

All of this is conditional however. Depending on a variety of factors, I may (probably not) scrap it. And it will take a while to write, aggravated by the fact that I messed my hands up pretty good this week. If I don't post on this site much in the near future, it's cause I'm only going on the computer about 3 times a day for limited amouts of time.

Adrian

[isoaker]

^ Me - I definitely look forward to your writings whenever you get the time to put it together. I definitely enjoyed reading your last water warfare story.

Just ensure to take care of your hands (and the rest of yourself, for that matter)! Injuries are rarely fun...

[wetmonkey442]

It leans a little bit towards Wetmonkey's Ultimate Story in that the teams are more, um, densely populated.

Hey! Someone remember's my story!

Actually, my story is not dead. i just don't update here anymore. It's all in the SM forums now, however I should get around to finishing it sometime soon...

@Adrian's story. I read the first bit so far, but I just don't have time to read it all. I'll get around to reading it today though, and tell you what i think. So far, very good. I really like your style of writing. Keep it up!


On the amount of people in my story: Yes, there was a lot of people in my story, and that can be sometimes un-realstic, but I grounded it in reality by proposing very realistic and possible methods of obtaining such a large force. As long as you do that Adrian, your story will be very believable.