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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 3:37 pm
by Adrian
Just posted Week 1 Day 1 of Story II in the appropriate forum. I'm going to try to run this like a tv show. I'll post each section on a certain day each week, taking time off for major holidays. There'll be a new Day every Tuesday and Friday until/and if I run out of material, after which there'll be a long pause while I type up some more.
I'm still not totally sure I'm going to finish this, or if I do, post all of it. Just warnin' ya in case you see a heartfelt apology here in the future. :;):
So what do y'all think? Detailed reviews (comments/criticism of dialogue, characters etc.) would be wonderful.
Coming during Week 1:Three people join, 2 of whom may not stay. The opposing team gains more members. A skirmish. Work on the fort. A possible future weapon.
Adrian
Edited By Adrian on 1111340752
Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 12:14 pm
by isoaker
Good start: nice little intro to parts of the different characters' personas. Of course, since not much has been revealed about what is to come, can't comment much more just yet. 
However, so far so good...
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:05 am
by Adrian
Today's update is a short journal entry. Due to the approaching Easter holiday, I'll post Friday's section tomorrow. I promise it'll be long and more interesting. :laugh:
Thanks,
Adrian
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:02 am
by Adrian
Wednesday has been posted. Let me know what y'all think.
There won't be another entry till the Tuesday after Spring Break, so about 2 weeks.
Thanks much,
Adrian
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:44 pm
by wetmonkey442
Good job so far. You writing style is nice, and the story interesting. I like the complex character of keith. A geek wouldn't have a very good grip, or perhaps I was just reading wrong. No matter, it is a very good stroy nonetheless.
I'm probably going to have to write a story now, as the UWS is a never ending project.
Good Job, and I look forward to reading more 
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 7:20 pm
by Adrian
Glad y'all are liking it. It's nice to get some feedback.
Wetmonkey:You think Keith is complex now...let's just say I like messing with conventions... :;): There's another character coming that's nice and complex, a blast to write too...
Thanks again,
Adrian
Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 9:00 am
by Adrian
I goofed up. Forgot part of Wednesday.
This is the last update for a week, I promise! 
Adrian
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 8:24 am
by Adrian
Just when you thought it was safe to come out of hiding...IT'S BAAACCKK!!! :p
Thursday's section has been posted. Let me know what you think.
Thanks in advance,
Adrian
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 6:14 pm
by isoaker
Woohooo! New installments (but just curious about those 'c:/...' things in the posts).
Will read when I get a chance and comment on afterwards.
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 8:17 pm
by Adrian
The C Prompt is the location on Brian Tanner's hard drive of the journal that he keeps in MicroSoft Word. I thought including the location added to the realism.
Glad you like it so far.
Adrian
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 8:15 am
by Adrian
The Friday installment is up. A skirmish, as well as backstory on the technology and culture. Check it out, let me know what you think.
Adrian
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 1:07 pm
by Forceuser
It's all good so far. There's just one think I don't like...but it has nothing to do with your writing. Basically everyone is armed with a Calypso and two Falcons. I would prefer it if there was a bit of variety, so some people had power, others range, etc. Otherwise, everyone is armed with a "super gun" and quoting The Incredibles "when everyone's super, no one is". IMHO it would make it more interesting, but anyway, it's still really good.
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:15 pm
by Adrian
*grins* I don't like to post everything all at once...things shall develop...you'll see.
Anyone else want to comment?
Adrian
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 2:19 pm
by Adrian
Posted Saturday's section this morning. Probably not the best written, but definitely necessary.
I calculated it all out, and if I manage to write all that I'm planning on, and follow my posting schedule, I'll finish the story sometime in September or October (I think). If I ran it one post a week (more like a tv show), it'd be well into next year.
And just to clear up a little confusion...or sow some...just about everything is connected. Even some of the numbers used in later posts have significance if you can figure out the pattern...
Adrian
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 11:30 am
by Adrian
Posted Sunday's section. Let me know what y'all think.
A cookie to whoever can tell me the origin of Jack's full name.
Adrian
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 12:22 pm
by Adrian
Just posted Week II, Day I. This is the most intense week outside of the weeklong fight.
A preview of coming attractions:Sheridan leaves the team. The team gains a new member. A second skirmish in a really cool environment. Increasing power. A resort to fisticuffs.
Feedback on what I've posted so far would be awesome!
Adrian
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:55 am
by isoaker
Woohooo! A new part added today!
Anyhow, I'm enjoying the read thusfar, but am looking forward to things to come. I enjoy your writing style, but will admit I still prefer doing more comments once more is written.
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 1:04 pm
by Adrian
Actually, comments would be great even if you consider them premature - I'd like to know where to take the story, what characters to focus on, stuff like that.
Anybody want to give some feedback?
Adrian
Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:28 pm
by Adrian
Posted Wednesday this morning. My favorite so far that I've written. Lots of loose ends to tie up later...
Just to be fair, I'm giving a warning. Wednesday through Saturday are rated PG-13 for violence, language, and thematic elements. Nothing too intense, but I'm treading on the safe side.
Adrian
Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 3:42 pm
by Adrian
Posted Thursday today. I'm interested in what people think of this one.
Adrian