Here I saved the old ones, sorry I didn't save who posted them
When the neighborhood smells like latex rubber.
When everyone in the city smells like latex rubber.
When your shirt smells like latex rubber, plastic, lubricant from ball valves, PVC, dirt, water, and sweat even after it's washed.
When you use different things to drill nozzles.
When the whole plastic industry has been converted towards feeding your armory.
When all the steel manufacturers have gone to producing ball valves and rods for trigger systems
When the sea levels rise by 3 inches a month.
When your weapons can dent squirt guns.
When you're (and everyone else) frantically trying to get NASA to gather water BACK from Mars.
When your basement never stops flooding.
You created the drought that you kindly ended.
You're not allowed at any pools except for the purpose of refilling the pool.
The tides in your backpack throw you off balance.
You have a contract with several area boat-builders to do weather testing on their vessels
You scoff at people who think removing paint from concrete is difficult
You've honestly considered the question "Which soaker for bear?"
You've honestly considered the question "Which soaker for zombies?"
You'd play the "if you could only have two soakers..." game, but you start twitching too bad and drooling when you start thinking about only having two soakers
Same with "if you could only have two hundred soakers..."
The plastic that makes up your collection is responsible for drying up six Kuwaiti oil wells
Your purchases keep at least nine Saudi oil families in power
You've thought about starting a "soaker lobby" in Washington, but are afraid of wielding too much influence
When you go shopping at Walmart, you don't even look at the carts - you go straight to "Gardening" and request a pallet
You get a "Soakers are life, the rest is just details" t-shirt
When asked, you answer that you actually believe that
You've ever written stories about soakers or water fights
You get torqued off when some guy online starts one of these "You know you have too many soakers when..." threads. Doesn't everyone know you can't have too many soakers?
There are no longer any fires of any sort within a 10 mile radius of your collection, there are also no dry spots within the same radius
Newlyweds now book hotel rooms to watch the firing of your entire collection as it overshadows Niagara Falls
You have considered surgically attaching a soaker to your arm
You have run out of space for any more surgically attached soakers on your arm!
You gave your fiancee a soaker and a towel when your proposed
Your wedding party all wore raincoats for the ceremony
After building your first homemade, you decide to break it down and apply for a Class 3 license from the ATF
The ATF took 12 months to process your application, because they spent the first 6 laughing
Your homemades are now classified as destructive devices
Your homemades have been to Knob Creek
You have to take your C3 paperwork when you go shopping, because entering a hardware store is now classified as a crime of "constructive possession"
Home Depot opened the store an hour early and sent a limo for you on Black Friday
Because of a mishap with one of your homemades, several small African tribes now pray to you as the rain god
The police department calls upon you to quell riots
You laugh at Bond villains who talk about controlling the weather
Both North Korea and Iran have contacted you about the possibility of "causing inclement weather in the continental United States"
You had to explain to a weirded out insurance agent why you wanted to insure your super soaker collection
That very weirded out agent told you they don't have enough money to insure your super soaker collection
So you went out and bought duplicates of your collection and buried them in your yard, in case of disaster
The Army has viewed your water fights as a training exercise
The Army has participated in your water fights as a training exercise
You had more soakers than the Army did people
You beat the Army in a water fight
You teach a class on unconventional weaponry at Quantico
You laugh because Quantico reminds you, strangely, of the word Aquatica
Moving van companies refuse to ship your collection when you move, it pops the trucks tires
You had to contract a C130 cargo plane to transport your collection when you moved
You're listed as a reserve unit for the fire department
It's a matter of pride that you no longer would need to call the fire department in case of house fire
You've given up on those "sissy fire extinguishers"
You have every soaker statistic memorized
You look at a digital clock and your first thought is "Which soaker designation is that?"
Emptying your collection for winter storage causes flooding
The CPS2000 that "blew that kid's eye out" is in a glass case in your collection
The amount you spend on soakers annually is higher than most country's GNP
That includes the United States
Most of your waterfights never happen, because you're too busy analyzing which gun to use
Your soaker cabinet has its own zip code
Your soaker collection generates measurable gravitational forces
You sleep with a soaker under your pillow
Your local fire department calls on your help for back-up;
Your nickname is "tsunami";
You've run out of numbers naming them all;
You've turned your local desert climate into a tropical rainforest;
You cause regional water shortages each time you fill them;
Your collection experiences tidal forces;
They begin to multiply on their own;
NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) has been tracking your movements has a category 1-5 hurricane depending on how many you're carrying at a time;
You laugh at how little water Olympic-size pools hold;
You sleep with a soaker next to you 'cos the rest of your room is already packed to the brim;
You supply all the toy stores with surplus stock from your duplicates;
Your collection can be seen from space;
Navy Seals use your filling station for their deep-water exercises;
Your neighbors all have lifeboats just in case you hold a water fight;
Your collection database makes Google's database look like a grocery listing;
The weatherman checks your fight schedule as the best forecast of whether it will "rain" locally;
You can out-soak a thunderstorm;
You can't remember the last time you were ever dry;
If you ever bother reading these, I worry for your mental sanity.