I wrote:My First Hardcore Water War
By [SEAL], 10/11/2012
I got to experience my first true 'hardcore' water war last summer. It was more like a military simulation than a bunch of kids running around in the backyard, and our water guns were more like portable garden hoses than the little squirt pistols seen in stores. A lot of us wore camouflage, and we used advanced military squad tactics. We planned it over the internet for months beforehand, and people from all across the east coast attended. The end result was one of the most memorable experiences of my relatively short life.
Early in the morning of the first day, we all met up at a local park I had selected for our battleground. I got to meet people who were previously just a username on the computer screen. Once we had all got acquainted, we decided to have a five-on-four elimination match. The rules said that once a player was hit by an opponent's shot, that player was out of the game. The round would play until every single person on one team was eliminated. I was on the five-man team, and was confident that we could pull off a victory, despite the fact that the best players were on the other team. We started on opposite ends of a roughly half-mile long forest that was part of the park. We began after [wetmonkey], our unofficial team leader, gave us a short pep-talk. This was the moment that we had all been waiting months for.
Our plan was to send out three people to try and lure our opponents back into an ambush, which would be triggered by me and my brother. I waited for what seemed like about ten minutes until I finally saw movement, which turned out to be my own teammates; they had not seen a trace of the enemy either. We then decided to split up again (which, now that I look back on it, was a very dumb move); I went one way with my friend Scott, and my brothers went a different way with [wetmonkey]. Once again, we could not find so much as a hair of our opponents. Climbing up a cliff, we were reunited once more with [wetmonkey] and my brothers. Nobody had any idea where the other team was. Thinking that they had given up (though if we had known who we were fighting a little better, we would not have thought so), we headed back to the parking lot where we had set up everything. Finding out that they had not done so, we went back into the woods to continue the search. If only we knew that they were watching us the entire time.
At this point, we had been looking for them for about an hour, and were getting a bit fed up. No longer caring about remaining stealthy, we walked down one of the trails in single file, aimlessly talking about various things without even bothering to lower our voices. We were actually hoping that they would find us so we could have some action. Well, that old saying "Be careful what you wish for", was very appropriate for this situation.
"AMBUSH!" someone yelled. I spun around to see all four of our opponents bursting out from behind some trees, fist-sized streams of water flying through the air toward me. Yelling in surprise, I returned a shot of my own, and we all took off sprinting down the trail like our very lives were at stake. Not being a particularly speedy person to begin with, 30 additional pounds of water made me downright slow. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to outrun my pursuers, so I abandoned the trail and started navigating through the weeds, hoping that nobody would follow me. If only I had looked behind me, I would've seen my friend [marauder] hot on my heels, wielding the water gun that was rumored to have shot a kid's eye out in the 90s (though we are fairly certain that is not true). Finding out that my speed was greatly hindered off-trail, I started heading back to the path. Just as I was almost upon it, I stumbled over an unseen branch that happened to be in the exact wrong spot. Due to my momentum, I could not stop myself. As I fell forward, everything seemed to go in slow motion; I felt the cold sting of one liter of water pounding me in the back.
"You're out!" [marauder] shouted, as I crashed onto the gravel trail, water guns and bottles flying everywhere. My left knee and hand caught most of my fall; as I got up, dazed and a little embarassed, I discovered that my hand was badly cut up, and there was a huge gash on my knee (which can still be seen today). I was bleeding like a leaky plumbing system. Going back to the parking lot, I got some small Band-Aids from Scott's father; they weren't nearly big enough for my wounds, but we didn't have anything bigger. A few minutes later everybody else came out of the woods. I found out that every single person on my team had been eliminated without hitting anyone on the other team. It was a rather embarassing loss, but we really brought it upon ourselves.
We had quite a few more battles at this event, but none were quite as memorable as the first one. We spent an hour looking for the other team, then let our guard down and got wiped out almost all at once. As I look back on this, I realize how many mistakes we made in that battle. However, people learn from their mistakes, so I'm glad this happened.
And believe it or not, I got an 'A' for it! I know that it's the writing that matters, but still, I find it kind of funny. I hope you enjoy it. You may have already read my full Downpour 2011 war report, but this is completely different, as it's directed at a completely different audience.
Oh, and this is how you make a...